I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
