Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
