stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
