Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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