i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
