best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
