i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
