We won't sleep together?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
