Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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