Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Come share oat with me in your robe
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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