Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
