I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
