i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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