So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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