youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
