When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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