just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
BRING THE BAGELS
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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