do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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