if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can you bring me the toilet please
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
