Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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