I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
