The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Drunk is a universal language darling
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