he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
