It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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