dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
