cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just forgot I was standing up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
