hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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