I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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