Your dad touched me again.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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