so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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