if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
