his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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