You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
