I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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