Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
