I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
