I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
