I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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