I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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