Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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