My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
