A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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