No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
