I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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