a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
