Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
