I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
