he puts the penis in happiness.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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