just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
