if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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