who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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