My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
