my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
